The devil wears a green uniform

24 Feb

I typically prefer my own homemade cookies to storebought cookies. I like controlling the ingredients that are used, tweaking the recipes to my liking and I like when none of the cookies have the same shape. But once a year, I allow cookies into my house that are made in a factory, come in a box and all look the same. What cookies could have such control over me? The answer is simple–Girl Scout cookies.

I do not know what it is about those cookies that are so enticing. I do have one theory–they’re laced. It’s the only explanation as to why 1) I cannot resist them if they are within 50 feet of my eyesight and 2)I cannot eat any less than 4 at a sitting.  And the guerilla marketing tactics are also not fair. 

Every Saturday, after I leave the supermarket, there they are, camped out in their green uniforms, looking all sweet and innocent, pushing their boxes of Tagalongs, Samoas and Thin Mints. They know you can’t resist so they carefully display the boxes which seem to say “buy me. You know you want to”. And the rainbow array of boxes, they’re just so pretty, like a sparkly 4 carat diamond or Wentworth Miller. You can’t take your eyes off them no matter how hard you try. So, powerless and helpless, I open my wallet and see what cash is left.

Carefully, I scan the crowd to make sure no one I know is nearby and pick out my prize. I do that quick walk-run to my car, put the groceries in the trunk (of course, I keep the cookies in the front seat) and hop in the driver’s seat. I peel out of the parking lot, hoping to get home before the cookies somehow realize that I am about to massacre them and jump out of the car. But just knowing that those cookies are in the passenger seat makes me break out into a small sweat; I have to have them and I have to have them right then. So, at the first red light, I tear into the box and eat some cookies. What’s unfortunate is that I live 5 minutes from the supermarket. That is the control these cookies have over me.

The supermarket tactics are not the only way these cookies make it into my house. For the unashamed, like my husband, there’s the cookie sign-up sheet/order for that’s left in every office kitchen or breakroom around the country. On the sign-up sheets, you declare “I love these cookies and I am proud!” You lay it all out there for everyone to see. They can see how much you love the cookies by how many boxes you buy. And those people that say they buy all those boxes so they last all year, well, I’m convinced they lie. I have no proof of this except for the fact that that’s what I would do. But I would never use the order form. It would just be too embarrassing.

Whoever decided that using cute little kids to sell cookies is a diabolical genius. It is, hands down, the best marketing campaign tool ever. Actually, I think that the mastermind behind this is also the same person behind the combination of chocolate and peanut butter (there is a reason Tagalongs are my favorite). But these cookies don’t need clever marketing; they sell themselves. If you need proof, check your own pantry. I’m sure there’s a box in there!


5 Responses to “The devil wears a green uniform”

  1. K.R. February 24, 2010 at 10:11 pm #

    this is the reason I only grocery shop after bedtime

    • janalynch February 25, 2010 at 9:40 am #

      their bedtime or yours? 😉

  2. Jill February 24, 2010 at 10:11 pm #

    I so much miss being able to buy girl scout cookies!!! And sadly at $3.50 a box looks like another year without them. Please eat a box or two(or five!!) for me? Kthanks.

  3. Nitza19 February 26, 2010 at 1:37 am #

    Don’t ever, ever, EVER check the saturated fat content on those buggers 😉

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