Jello. It’s what’s for breakfast.

20 Jul

I am one of those people who believes that foods can be eaten at any time of day. Pancakes are great for dinner, pizza is acceptable for breakfast and pretty much anything goes for lunch. There are some foods, however, that should not be eaten at any time of day under any circumstances. One of those foods is Jello.

Jello wins the silver medal on my disgusting foods list. Everything about it is just horrifying. It’s slimy, weird smelling and I just refuse to eat anything that wiggles. The colors and flavors are disturbing, too. Lime green and neon blue are not appealing food colors and orange is a vomitous flavor.  I don’t care how it’s dressed up–with Cool Whip, fruit, seltzer or even vodka, it’s still revolting. Jello conjures up images of sick people and school lunches and I can’t bring myself to eat it. I refuse to buy it. I don’t even like passing by it in the supermarket. When I rule the world (which will happen), Jello is on my list of things to eradicate. Needless to say, I was both disgusted and disappointed when I learned that one of the only foods my daughter can eat before her surgery is Jello.

That’s right. I need to feed my daughter Jello for breakfast tomorrow. She doesn’t go to the hospital until 12:45 pm and she is not allowed to eat anything after 4:45 am with the exception of Jello, water, and a few other liquids. The hospital nurse helpfully and cheerfully suggested that I wake up  my daughter up at 4:00 am to feed her but since I a) refuse to do that and b) refuse to do that, the only option is to feed her Jello for breakfast. This is just wrong on so many fronts because to me, the only thing worse than looking at Jello at night is having to look at it first thing in the morning.

Knowing I’m going to have to feed her Jello has been tough for me to process. Not only am I insanely repulsed by it but there’s really no good way to make Jello exciting. Telling a child “Yay! You get to eat Jello!” is about as exciting as saying “Yay! You get to have a shot!” Also, I’m still quite confused as to why, if my daughter is only allowed liquids, Jello is on the list. Isn’t is a solid?

Fortunately the Jello for breakfast thing will only last for one day. I don’t think I could handle it for more than one day. And the next day, it’s ice cream for breakfast! Now, about that mother of the year nomination…


6 Responses to “Jello. It’s what’s for breakfast.”

  1. The Great Mama Experiment July 21, 2010 at 1:24 pm #

    I feel the same way about Cool Whip. What the heck is it made out of anyway? Fluffed air?

    • theemptykitchen July 21, 2010 at 6:13 pm #

      that’s a good point. cool whip appears to be having an identity crisis. am i milk? am i ice cream? what am i?!

  2. lillian October 26, 2010 at 5:30 pm #

    y’all are somee CRAZY people to not like whipped cream OR jello i mean c’mon cutt them a break at least try it before u go judging it. i swear you people got somthing wrong with you

    ps.and by the way orange is soooooooooo not a vomitous flavor…ITS THE BEST THERE IS

    pss.y’all some haters to be talkin bout my jello like that

  3. lillian October 27, 2010 at 5:03 pm #

    why, thank you

  4. lillian October 27, 2010 at 5:07 pm #

    jello is a semi-solid

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