Now that’s a hot mess

3 Jan

Urban Dictionary defines hot mess as: 

  1. When ones thoughts or appearance are in a state of disarray but they maintain an undeniable attractiveness or beauty.
  2. Someone or Something that is such a mess… the level of it, is off of the charts. It’s past pathetic, past pitiful. It’s to the point you almost have to walk away to keep from busting a gut. Hot messes can exist in levels.

I define hot mess as this:

A big, steaming pile

You may be wondering what that is. It is an omelette. Or, more accurately, my attempt at an omelette. If you look closely, you can see that it is trying to be an egg white, tomato, green pepper and cheese omelette. With ketchup (the red blob on the right. We can discuss the necessity to eat eggs with ketchup at another time). It is actually a messy pile of egg and vegetable being held together by a sad glob of cheese.

My attempt at an omelette started out well. I softened the vegetables, added the eggs and then the cheese, just like they do at those fancy omelette stations at brunch buffets. I let the eggs cook and set. Then I went to flip one side, in order to make the standard and approved omelette look. That’s when all hell broke loose.

I went into the pan with my spatula to do “the flip”. I did it at the correct time, too! But as I put my spatula to the well-formed omelette and tried to lift one side off the pan, the omelette not only broke into pieces, it stuck to the spatula. As I was scraping the stuck eggs from the spatula back into the pan, I saw that some cheese was attempting a prison break. So I had to vehemently pursue the escaped cheese and put it back onto the vegetables, causing the egg underneath to break. As I was doing this, the other side of the omelette got stuck to the pan. This meant I had to scrape that part of the omelette away from the pan. At this point, I gave up and just dumped what wasn’t stuck to the pan onto the plate. The end result? The lopsided, unattractive pile  pictured above.

That’s the excuse. This time. Sadly, every time I try to make an omelette, I wind up with the same result. This is the stage where my well-intentioned omelette becomes a big heaping mess of eggy disappointment. 

You know the saying “the definition of insanity is repeating the same action and expecting a different result” (or something like that)? That’s me when it comes to making an omelette. I pretty much do the same thing every single time, with the (false) hope that this time, it will be different. You know what? It’s not. But I remain optimistic that one day, I will make a normal looking omelette (hey, a girl’s gotta dream).

On another note, while my omelettes are ugly and messy on the outside, they’re deliciously tasty on the inside. You know the other saying “don’t judge a book by its cover”? That saying was meant for my omelettes. 

I guess being a hot mess really isn’t so bad.


3 Responses to “Now that’s a hot mess”

  1. 100wordson January 4, 2011 at 1:19 pm #

    I gave up trying to make traditional omlettes years ago and just make scrambled eggs with veggies and cheese.

    • theemptykitchen January 4, 2011 at 3:54 pm #

      that’s probably a good idea for me, too, but i refuse to let my pride be ruined by an egg!


  1. A neater burrito: bean burrito soup « The Empty Kitchen - January 24, 2011

    […] burritos are a travesty. But much like my omelets, they are a visual disaster but they taste delicious. Fortunately for me, I have discovered a […]

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